January 4, 2017

Joey Adams Quotes

“If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.”

“With friends like that, who needs enemies?”

“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”

“If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.”

“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.”

“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”

“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.”

“Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. ‘Get up early, work late – and strike oil.”

“Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why – he does.”

“The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.”

“When you start to bet on horses, you understand that the dog remains the best friend of man.”

“A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.”

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

“Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.”

“The computer can do more work faster than a human because it doesn’t have to answer the phone.”

“Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.”

“The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.”